If only I would learn to think before I Speak..

I was invited and I took the offer, having inhaled toxic fumes on Wednesday plus getting a little drunk the fucking sunglasses was forgotten about there was no intent from a simple mistake.. Though others would have it there was. Friday the cold was creeping upon myself, it was new years eve I had plans. Instead I spent the night in pain with little or no sleep:

New Years Day I somehow managed to get to the local shop, thank fuck it was open. Back home I made some lemon and ginger, added a double whiskey and this has been much my Saturday, with a good dose of feeling sorry for myself and paranoia.

I managed to sleep and sweat it out, if this had been 39 Elmore Road there would have been just one room and going crazy in such a place is not good.. I hope to sleep tonight (Saturday) all of this brings forward some deep paranoia, thank fuck the door is locked..

Another Bad Night.

It was (Saturday/Sunday) the cold seems to be slowing down. From the 17th November there has not been a full nights sleep, I was dealing with that fact. This cold has taken myself back, I was living in a flat on Harcourt Road. I was told morning glory seeds could get you high, having eaten a vast amount the next week was rough. Being sick and little or no sleep. Seems they cover them to stop you eating them and it makes you very sick.

Today, Sunday I have spent in bed drifting in an out of sleep, the cough is back and I feel it could be to do with having inhaled toxic fumes on Wednesday I have become very unwell.


I think it’s just been another bad night
I think it’s just been another bad night
I think it’s just been another bad night
I think it’s just been another bad night

I’m not an actor
I cannot hide away
Whatever I want to say
I let it out
Maybe I’m wrong
The games you play
Go on too long

I think it’s just been another bad night
I think it’s just been another bad night

I put my foot in it
I said the wrong thing
I opened my mouth
I let the rubbish flow out

I wish that sometimes
I wouldn’t talk so blind
And I always guess
The hard rules of life

(Public Image Ltd)


Cold Turkey.

I was never sure why I began Glue Sniffing (though I did enjoy it) but by the age of 17 I was doing my first Cold Turkey and at the age of 18 I was on smack, it only become a problem when I busted me back and was laid off my first and only job of employment. What I find quite shocking is I have fucked my body over in the last few years.. shit food, too much drinking and though I have felt unwell, nothing like this cold. I have no doubt been doing Cold Turkey and once more I slept much of Sunday and thought that I’d have another bad night. I slept through to 5am and I needed to go out get some food.

I set off at 9am it took me to 10.30 to get where I needed to be, once back home feeling happy I had dealt with the paranoia and feeling rough. I once more fell into sleep for Monday afternoon, food has been a issue and Tuesday I woke feeling very weak, I made myself a little to eat and have just spent the day drinking and drinking and drinking watter.

Having done this Cold Turkey, like fuck will I return to the former self abuse, it has been a rough path over the last few days, in fact last few years and I need to take the opportunity this cold has given. Though I ponder what made me get involved with such dark satanic matters last Wednesday, I seem to have this urge to self destruct and must learn to stop seeking or taking the opportunity.

I have learned to slow back down over the last week, even more. If anyone gets this cold, do not see it as a negative, enjoy the pain it might seem crass to say that but fuck I know when I do stop feeling rough, and of course a little sorry for myself, I will have come out of it a better person.


Tuesday was fine for much of the day, I began to freak around 5pm, a friend was due. They spent till 9 o’Clock telling me to goto A&E, by 10 I was there. I have not been well for some years, so when at 1am I was told I had pneumonia.. Good news as we now know, I got back home and just broke down in tears. I had little or no sleep. My head is going a little bang. I now need to get a care plan into action.

If I had kept to my plan, I would have no doubt been dead, sounds crass but I owe a back thanks for being forced to goto hospital, and like wise for the very wonderful service care and love, now I have to find a GP to take me on. I’ll keep you updated, christ sometimes the NHS is just far too wonderful.

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